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ON THE SQUARE - Issue 8


COSGROVE CORNERED


A recurring lament at Faversham Eye editorial meetings is “please, please, please, can we have a Cosgrove-free issue?” But as one of our readers pointed out, he is the gift that keeps on giving. Yet again the former councillor and self-published “travel writer” has not disappointed. Next to us when we were giving out copies of the last edition was a stall run by some of the Lib Dems. With a third of Faversham below the poverty line, the idea was anyone who had a spare coat could leave it and anyone who needed one could take it away. Cosgrove stunned the well-meaning Lib Dem volunteers with the question: “What? Are there people in Faversham who need a coat?” And so speaks the true voice of Boris Bananahead’s modern caring Conservatism.


FROM AN OLD FAVERSHAM CODGER


Whilst helping to distribute the Christmas edition of the Eye, I was approached by a gentleman of a certain age who irately declared: “This is a Labour newspaper! The last one (the election special) and this one (jabbing his finger at the bundle I was offering) proves it!”


I replied that the Eye is not aligned to any political party but he was entitled to his opinion. To which he riposted; “Well, you’re upsetting a lot of people.” I could only respond by saying that in that case the paper was doing its job. The seething senior citizen then declared that he "would never have anything to do with the Eye ever again". To which I could only reply that I didn’t really care.


I noticed however, that Mr Angry – he didn’t leave his name – had a copy of our biased, left-wing, trouble- making, annoying, quasi-commie rag tucked under his arm.


I can only assume this outraged citizen had an alternative use intended for our scurrilous organ – in which case he can perform the anticipated usage happy in the knowledge that the Eye is printed on recycled paper. So a job well done Mr Angry!


However, I do feel some regret that our encounter had not enabled me to tell Mr Angry that I have not voted Labour for at least forty years and declined to vote in the last election out of total despair.


So, Mr Angry, you’re welcome to have another swipe and possibly a wipe at the Eye very soon.


Toodle pip!

John Wellard (age 75).


One of our councillors is missing


Eye 7 reported on town council meeting aficionado Findlay MacDonald's adoption of Extinction Rebellion-style direct action tactics to gain access to one recent Guildhall conflab, clambering up a ladder to bang on the windows.

Now it seems the former Conservative supporter has gone full guerilla activist. Tired of politely but persistently inquiring after Deputy Mayor Sam Blair's whereabouts at council meetings, Findlay vented his frustration by decorating the town hall with a satirical poster bearing her likeness and the text: “Missing Deputy Mayor...If you have any information please contact the community she was elected to represent.”


This didn't go down well with coun Blair's Lib Dem colleagues. When her resignation was announced at a council meeting on 10 February, there was talk of scouring CCTV video to identify the culprit.


Making fun of town councillors via the poster medium has, in the recent past, proved a risky enterprise. The last bloke who tried it was arrested in his dressing gown on the morning of his 71st birthday by half a dozen coppers at the request of former Town Clerk Jackie Westlake (see Faversham Eye Issue Two at www.favershameye.co.uk)


Thankfully such heavy-handed tactics are not the style of our current Lib Dem-run town council. Instead, after 'fessing up to his crime, poor Findlay was subjected to something almost as bad: a lecture.


“I think that's a terrible act you've done. You need to think about that yourself.” chided councillor Kris Barker in his best 'disappointed schoolteacher' voice.


“She had no right of defence from you. I think you have done a terrible thing and you should live with that.”, Kris intoned, almost as if Findlay's poster-based mockery itself had driven coun Blair from office.


Perhaps, by some time-travelling miracle, coun Blair's extended absences were precipitated by an act of mischief perpetrated many months later. Perhaps she ceased turning up at the Guildhall precisely because her questionable attendance record would be mildly ridiculed in an A4 format, four months into the future. Think about it.


If true, Faversham has been dealt a double blow by the loss of its deputy mayor. Not only will our town have to pick up the tab for a by-election to replace her, but we have lost a councillor with a rare and useful gift: the psychic power of precognition.